where to start?

This month I’ve been deeply reflecting on the concept of integrity. I’ve been talking about it in my memberships and with friends, and also seeing examples of it show up in my life, both in my own actions and through the actions of others.

A lot of my life I have considered integrity to be defined as being “good”… but I’ve outgrown these ideas and have been embracing integrity’s inherent position in authenticity.

Showing up where I am, is integrity. Being really honest with myself and embracing the moment, is what “gives me” integrity. And because of that, integrity becomes more of a process, an evolution, a corrective path, than a place to land, or a stake to claim.

We are human. We will make mistakes. We will fall off our balance beam and land on the mats, sometimes a bit dizzy and uncertain of how to get back up, but the guiding principle of integrity requires us to go searching… to find a way back up… to try again… to assess honestly where we are, so that we can forge a path.

Integrity allows for grace. Integrity embraces forgiveness. Integrity is a consistent, self-correcting path.

So I’m taking my own medicine. I love writing… and years ago I got hurt. My voice got shut down relentlessly in an academic journey that while, not all bad, was also not all that liberating. I am still fighting this block to lay my words down on a page. To change my story from “writing is hard” back into “I absolutely love writing and it brings me joy”.

It takes fully acknowledging that to start. To lay the first words down. To begin again. To find myself back on the balance beam… and to be fully present instead of fighting against a truth I wish didn't exist (that I find writing hard, right now… that I feel scared of the page… that I feel unworthy of speaking my thoughts without having to back them up and “prove” my ideas in order to have ideas etc etc).

So I’m starting here, with grace. With courage. With integrity.